It's Monday morning, the day before I'm supposed to start another round of chemo. Even though I've already had two and the last tumor that was removed was dead, my oncologist wants me to have two more rounds of chemo as insurance. I don't want to more rounds of chemo. I don't want to put all that poison in my body as "insurance". As I read today, there are other ways to fight cancer besides deadly chemicals: changing thought patterns, eating right, believing in its death. Louise Haye fought cancer without surgerys and chemo. Earlier in my fight, I read about how Suzanne Somers did the same. Somehow, books by people who tout the benefits and joys of chemo haven't crossed my path. Do they exist? So do I make the decision to tell my oncologist "no more"?
My fear isn't for me, it's for my family. If the cancer does come back, I believe they'll blame me for not having these two more rounds. Yet the first set of chemo two years ago was supposed to be insurance too. The tumor was removed and chemo was my choice. It gave me a 25% chance the cancer would come back vs 50% and it still came back. So what good was all those days, lying in the hospital with God knows how many IV's plugged into me with poison coursing through my veins? None. What good will these next two rounds be? I'm just starting to feel healthy again. I don't want to go back to that feeling of near-death. Ugg! What am I to do?
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